If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
