I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
