i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
