careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
3pm strippers are depressing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
