just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
