I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
