I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
