I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
