So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
