the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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