if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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