How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
