drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
