who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
