Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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