Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
