your parents love me but you hate me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
