we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
