glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize