Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
false alarm, still single
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