Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
