It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
