Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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