Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
