I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
