tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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