Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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