his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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