Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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