I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
