Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
