I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
