Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
