I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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