If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
