who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
