I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
