Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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