There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
