how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
