you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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