I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize