At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
