Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this just has baby written all over it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
