drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
