i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
