i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
