we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize