just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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