What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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