I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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