I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
