walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
