I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
