I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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