There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I supernannyed him into submission
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
