mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
