So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
