I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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