Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
