It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
