You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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