no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
