So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
