Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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