I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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